Potential! - With a new note!

This post is a lot more personal than most of mine. A lot more introspective (I think that is the word I want). A lot more serious. Its one I'm writing for me as much as anyone else. I'm just kind of thinking out loud (or at least in B&W print). Hope you don't mind! If you do, remember it is MY blog! : ) No comments are necessary, I'm ok, just doing a lot of thinking.

Why do some people not live up to their potential? Why do some people just not make it out of a bad childhood but others find a way to overcome? This week, I heard about a really good friend of mine who made a life altering choice, a mistake that will be very difficult to overcome. This friend didn't have a lot of support or many examples growing up. Its one of those people whose life starts out so far in the gutter, you just hope and pray they can somehow climb out of it. This was a person that classmates thought I was better than, they thought I shouldn't waste my time, couldn't understand why we were friends. People told me I'd get hurt, that this person wasn't good for me and didn't really care about me. My parents even cringed at our friendship for a long time. This person almost quit high school at one point, even had a high school counselor say there wasn't a chance they'd make it. But they did it. Even succeeding in starting a business that was doing well, last I heard. But despite everything everyone else said and the lifestyle this person lived in and led, this person was someone I always counted on, someone who truly cared about me and wanted the best for me. Someone who despite what everyone said, never hurt me, and was always there for me. I really cared about this person, one of my very best friends, someone who had and still has a place in my heart. But as time has passed and life has led us in different directions, I stopped keeping in touch a few years ago. We were two individuals living our own lives far apart. This person was never great at keeping in touch so I just stopped trying so hard. Its been 4 years since we last talked or I wrote other than the standard Christmas letter. The news I heard this week almost broke my heart. It was news that everyone else probably expected years ago.

But as I think more about it, I wonder how things could have been different. I truly believed in this person, believed the potential was there. What went wrong? I wonder if I did enough, did I do my best? What could I have said or done to help this person more? Did I fail this person or did this person just need more than I could give? Friendship and influence of others is such a powerful thing but I know in the end its not up to me what others do ... its up to each person to make their own choices and that each of us are held accountable for our own decisions. This person just finally made the decision everyone expected long ago.

I hope I'm living up to my potential and I hope that I'm being the best person I can be. But I also hope I'm helping others live up to their potential. I hope I'm pulling others up, doing everything I can to lift them. I hope that when I come to the end, I can look in the eyes of my friends, family, aquaintances and Savior and say, I truly did my best. I hope I don't have to say sorry to those friends for not being a good enough example, for not being a good enough friend. I've always tried to live my life so that I don't have to experience this situation in the life to come. Sometimes, I wonder if this isn't the friend I failed but I truly hope I did my best. And I wonder if now, after all this time and distance, is there something I can do? All of these thoughs, reminded me of a poem that my brother gave me when he was on his mission for our church. It has always stuck with me and been a favorite of mine.

My Friend (I don't know who wrote it or where it came from)
My friend I stand in judgement now and feel that you're to blame somehow. On earth I walked with you each day and never did you point the way. You knew the Lord in truth and glory and never did you tell the story. My knowledge then was very dim, you could have led me straight to Him. Though we lived together on the earth, you never mentioned the second birth. And now I stand with joys deferred because you failed to share his word. You taught me many things, its true. I called you friend and trusted you. But I learn now how much I lost. You could have saved me such a cost. We walked by day and talked by night and yet you showed me not the light. You let me live ... and love ... and die. You knew how much I'd lose on high. Yes, I called you friend in life and trusted you through joys and strife and yet on coming to the end, I cannot call you now my friend.

Anyway, food for thought for all of you... and mostly for myself! Are you doing your best? Are you being the best you? Are you loving others and being a friend? Are you lifting others? I guess it goes back to the simple phrases of one of my favorite hymns ... "Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need? Have I cheerd up the sad, made someone feel glad? If not I have failed indeed. Has anyone's burden been lighter today, because I was willing to shre? Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way? When they needed my help was I there?"

I hope I did my best, but I am also using this experience to remind myself to do a little better, be a little better every day. A better mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, neighbor, boss, ... a better me. I once heard someone give a talk to women encouraging them. He said, "do your best, which you usually do." I just have to remind myself, that I usually do my best, and its ok to slip sometimes because that is my best! I can only do so much and then I have to rely on a higher power, on Christ and his sacrifice to carry me the rest of the way. So, I have to stop wondering "why" and "what if" and trust that I did my best and focus on doing my best today and tomorrow and the rest of the days to come.

New Note: I finally had a chance to talk to this friend today and there were good reasons for what happened. The information I was given sounded so bad. I am sorry for not believing more in this person. As sad as I was, I didn't want to believe it and I wanted to be there for this person. I believed everything I read about what happened, but there was actually much more to the story. It is still a bad situation and this person made a choice to be somewhere at a time when things got ugly. But, after hearing their side of the story, I am so grateful that I cared about this person and was there for them. They really did rise above so much and today, gave me new hope that I did my best and that it made a difference. Things aren't as bad as they could be for this person. Lots of prayers to make sure all goes well from here! This friend has taught me so much about friendship, not judging others, seeing deeper than the surface and finding the best in others! Thanks PMW!