My biggest regrets ...

You all know I'm a thinker, analyzer. I over-analyze everything. And I often think about how my life would be different ... IF.

Well today, I had a thought that had never occurred to me before. I was thinking about how I wish I hadn't blown the engine on Steve's car and that got me thinking about a lot of things I've done that I wish I hadn't done (speeding tickets, car accidents where I was at fault, giving up too easily at a job, some of those things we all do as teenagers, having a bad attitude, being not so nice to other people, making bad decisions ... and the list goes on). As I thought about the mistakes in my life, I came to the realization that the ones I actually regret are the ones where I was being self-centered and/or not thinking about the long-term. All of the others mistakes, I look back at and go ... I did my best, so I don't really regret them, mistakes happen. Its those times that I didn't do my best and I hurt others along the way that I feel regret. And every single thing I could think of that I truly regret, I could trace back to being self-centered and focused on the NOW.

So, my biggest regrets are being selfish and not keeping a bigger perspective. Its when I'm not thinking more about how my decisions or attitude affect others in the long run that I make the mistakes that I truly regret. So, with that in mind, I say I'm sorry if my selfish decisions or my lack of thinking about the future ever hurt you or your family, if my selfish attitude ever offended you or pushed you away from me ... I'm truly sorry. And I am now going to be more aware of that. Because my biggest regret is being self-absorbed or not thinking about the big picture, then I now understand what I need to avoid in the future so that I don't regret more of my life ... and so I don't hurt others or push them away or be a bad example to my girls. So I can be a better person and so I can look back on my life and say I did my best.

I am so grateful for my amazing life ... despite the mistakes I've made, despite the challenges we've been through. I'm grateful for all my friends ... regardless of our relationships now. I believe friends come and go in our lives. Some are meant to just touch our lives briefly. Some are meant to change us in some little way, maybe prepare us for something in the future. Some are meant to walk beside us for awhile. And others are meant to become a part of us forever. But they are all important and in my heart and memories forever and I'm grateful for all of them, even those no longer a part of my life. I'm grateful for my family ... for their patience, love and forgiveness, especially Steve. I'm thankful for my faith in God. I don't know how people face the day to day ups and downs without a belief in a higher purpose, an eternal perspective. And I'm grateful for the mistakes I've made and the challenges I've experienced and the things I learned from them. I know that I am a better person today because of my friends, my family, my faith, my mistakes and the challenges in my life ... and I look forward to a being a better person tomorrow and the next day and the next. Because that is what life is about!!