Saying GoodBye

So, now that I'm caught up on my blog with the "events" happening in our lives - (there are no more pictures on my camera to blog about), you get to hear more of my thoughts. Be that good or be that bad ... : ) Expect some rambling on from me for awhile. :) Today's note is probably one that you've heard bits and pieces of before, but its on my mind.

Another one of my odd traits is my intense desire to hold on ... to friends, memories, experiences, the past, etc. I have an amazing ability to remember people and experiences and to treasure them. I think it started when I was really young - living near an Air Force Base I had lots of friends that moved away, especially in 4-6th grade. It always broke my heart, but I never let go. When it was possible, if they were even the least bit willing, I kept in touch. I believed in F/F - friends forever - and I tried to honor that. And you know, it worked in a lot of cases. I have never lost touch with some of my elementary school friends, despite the fact that they moved, I moved, they moved, I moved, college, marriage, kids etc. And there are MANY that I have kept in touch with ever since I left California when I was 13. When I left NC, I didn't keep in touch with as many people there but I regretted that in a lot of circumstances. I've said it before on here, but I'll say it again. I am really grateful for technology - like email, blogs and facebook because I have found so many old friends again (from California and NC - and other places to) and had the opportunity to get to know them again and reconnect. I am really grateful for it.

So, you might be asking, what is so bad about a trait to hold on? Good byes are horrible for me - they shouldn't be since I tend to keep in touch more often than most, but with every good bye I feel like a part of me is leaving, even when they aren't a super close friend. Also, its bad because there are times when good byes are necessary - they are for the best for everyone involved and yet I struggle with them. I'm sure my parents could tell you of a couple of friends in high school that they wished I could have said goodbye to and left it at that. : ) I'm sure we all have that. Its also kind of bad because some people don't maintain friendships the same, they are more willing to let go and that often leaves me feeling empty and hurt even though tha was not the intent. As an adult, its not something I face THAT often but its something that still makes my heart ache - ache for the friends I have lost touch with or said good bye to. It can also be a bad trait because sometimes its experiences that I have a hard time letting go of ... I've been known to hold a grudge and I've been known to not forgive myself for things, although I'm more likely to hold it against myself than anyone else.

What brings this all on now ... partially that ache in my heart for friends lost along the way, but also partially because a friend in our neighborhood is moving. Its a family that we've known for almost 8 years. Its not a family that we hang out with often, in fact we do very little with them other than church and neighborhood activities. BUT its a family that I really respect and love. Its a family that I've had a chance to serve - teaching their daughter in young womens and Steve has taught their sons in Sunday School, take dinner to them as the mother dealt with cancer, help them pack. Its a family that I have learned to love because of their service and kindness to me and my family and other neighbors and friends. I will really miss them. I had a chance to talk to the father of the family for a few minutes today when he dropped something off and it really tore at my heart to say goodbye.

But I try to remind myself that good byes aren't endings. They are only a new chapter in our lives to help us learn and grow. Its just time for us to make our own way. If we keep in touch, things will still be different and that is ok. And if we don't keep in touch, I have to have faith that someday, somehow, somewhere, our paths will cross again and friendships will be renewed and THAT will be our time again! So, its time to say goodbye and that is ok!